State of Beginning

Hey, look! I remembered my blog address!  :)

Over the past couple months I really lost track...and realized I had gained about 5 pounds back.  That is NOT the right direction I want to move if I am going to be healthier.

I guess I have to face the fact that I will always be in a state of beginning...

and never be "finished"....

until death! (Now, that's not what I want to focus on!)  

I might actually be much better off if I think of each new day as a new beginning...

a new, fresh start...

a clean slate...

without the shadows of yesterday...

a day for successes all its own!

How's that for positive thinking??

 

Get up!!

Success: Fall down seven times; get up eight.... 

Today I am getting up!

I am going to record my food again on my iPod, and I am going to keep my iPod charged so I don't have any excuses for not recording.  Recording my food is one thing that is consistent with past success.  When I am struggling to find motivation, I have to just stick with what I know can work.

Looking for Motivation

I have still been struggling this month...with eating well, keeping my food log, and sometimes, exercising.

I try to remember what gave me the resolve I had in January...what led me to be so sure I could do this?? And where did it go??  I need it...again...and again...

Never Give Up

It has been a struggle the past few weeks.  I have made bad choices and followed them with other bad choices.  Eating right is so difficult for me!  The really sad part is that I know I am making a poor choice, and I do it anyway.  I recently read a blog post in The Happiness Project that reminded me that I am not good at eating a little bit of something....like M&Ms, chips, or any other carb that calls my name.  I need to just say "no!" to all of them.  It is easier to walk away from all of them than to try to eat just a little.....And neither of these is really "easy."

There's a Japanese proverb that says "Fall down seven times, get up eight."  That is what I need to do---get up! The change I need to work on right now is getting up rather than being defeated.  It is time to get up again and move on toward my goal! (This little video is a great illustration of getting up after a fall.) 

Home again

Once again, it's been a while since I have posted.  This has been a really busy month with out-of-town plans every weekend...until this weekend!

Much of the week before last I was in New Orleans for a conference.  New Orleans is NOT the place to go to lose weight!  Lots and lots of good food there!

One of my colleagues asked for light dressing for her salad, and with a laugh, our waitress replied something like, "This is New Orleans, honey. We don't have light dressing.  New Orleans isn't the place for diet food."  

That was also evident when I wanted skim milk with my beignets. (OK, I know beignets are not health food either...I had to try them while I was there, and I did not over-indulge...I only had them once.)  When I asked for skim milk, the teenage boy behind the counter gave me a puzzled look and told me they only had whole milk.  Ugh! Whole milk is just....thick....after drinking skim milk for years!  I opted for water instead.  (On a side note, the tap water was really good!  I don't always find that when I drink tap water out of town.)

Though my eating was not exemplary, I did make some good food choices, and I did workout every morning.  The exercise room in our hotel had an elliptical machine that I bonded with.  I did a lot of walking, too.  I have to believe that exercise contributed to my breaking even weight-wise the day after returning home from my trip.

I have sort of coasted this week, though, settling back into my routines.  

The one routine that I am most happy about is exercising.  In addition to my morning elliptical workout, I have been walking regularly.  I started a few weeks ago, and although I don't walk more than a mile yet, I have to believe it is going to eventually help my knees feel better and stronger.  I am excited that my husband has joined me this week, too;  we go right after supper before getting caught up in other evening responsibilities.

This week...

...I will resume more good habits, especially eating less.  I have noticed that I have eaten more since the trip to New Orleans.  

...No more Easter candy in the house...we thought it would be ok to have some when we had friends over to share it.  In retrospect...NOT a good idea!  I cannot stop once I start.  So I know that I have to not start.

Keep working towards your own goals, friends!  You can do it!

Celebrate Jeans

Exciting news worth a celebration for me---I have worn jeans the past three days--all day!!

For those of you who are not around me on a regular basis, this may seem to be a strange thing to be excited about.  But...I don't think I have fit into my (largest) jeans for months and months...and it's sad to say, I am not exaggerating. So, I am darned excited!

A week or so ago, I tried one pair on, and they fit but were a little too tight for my comfort level when sitting.  Thursday afternoon, a number of colleagues were discussing wearing jeans to our meeting on Friday.  I decided to give my jeans another try....and they were just fine! 

I wore a different pair this weekend, too.  Again--just fine! Even for a three-hour trip in the car after eating lunch! 

I am not a fan of buying jeans (any clothes for that matter!)  It is so difficult to find jeans that fit. I have a narrow waist in proportion to my large behind and fat legs, so finding a pair to fit in all three places is no easy feat.  Therefore, when I grew out of my jeans (UGH!), I refused to try to find ones that fit a larger me.  

So....here's a cheer to wearing jeans that now fit once again! (And here's hoping I will have to shop for smaller ones in the near future.)

What are you currently celebrating about yourself??  I think it is important to be proud of even little accomplishments!

No More Complacency

I remember the conviction I began with almost two months ago.  I was determined to make healthier choices.  And I was successful at doing so…

but...

lately…

I have become complacent.   

My good choices have been interspersed with not-so-good choices.  

I know when I get busy with a lot of other things it becomes difficult to stay on track.  When my "regular" routine, if there is such a thing, gets interrupted, I lose focus.

Some recent choices have included a pizza buffet, chicken strips and fries, and a red velvet whoopie pie.  Somehow I convince myself that I have been doing well, I have even lost some weight, and “just a little bit” of whatever carb or fat won’t hurt.   

The problem is that “a little” never stops with a little.  It becomes so much more. Enough more that I didn't weigh myself on Friday.  I didn't want to know for sure.  (Am I like the young child, covering her eyes, believing that she is now hidden?)  If I pretend I am not sabotaging my goals, it's not happening? 

So here I am, once again, reminding myself of my goals.  I am glad that I wrote them down so I can look at them again.  My food choices affect so much more than my weight!  And my goals involve being healthier, not just lighter.

Earlier today I was ready to put out a plea for help from my friends.  I have been faltering and need support.  

What is really cool is that I heard from three friends today...who provided unsolicited support to give me the boost I needed...and it means SO much!  

One friend said something like, I am following your journey, and I can tell you are losing weight.  Another send a Facebook message to inquire how things were going and shared what helps her be healthier.  And at about that same time, I got a message from another friend thanking me for inspiration and wondering when we can get together.  So thanks, Jane, Cynthia, and Jenna!! Thank you!!  I really needed to hear what you had to say today.

And I can't forget the friend I had dinner with last night...she and her husband are also working on being healthier.  She started about the same time I did and has lost over 10 pounds!  Talking with her helped me to pass up a second serving of delicious, healthy food...because I wasn't really hungry.  Being able to say it out loud to someone who understood was really helpful!  So thanks for being there, Jill!

I don't know if I can say it enough.  The kind, supportive words mean so much.  I do need them.  We all need them.  I hope by reflecting on the kindness I have received, I can be more giving of the same!

Please don't hesitate to ask someone how things are going (you know, how they are really going), tell someone you care, tell him/her you are proud of them, or offer your support.  You may not have any idea how much he/she needs your kindness at that time. 

Feel free to comment on a time when someone has given you the support you've needed at just the time you've needed it. 

A little help from my friends

I could not do this weight loss journey without the support of friends.  I think of my friend, Megan, who was working with me a while back at a church breakfast, serving trays and trays of donuts.... I was putting those things on trays...smelling them...and thinking...what if I just have a half?  

I shouldn't do it.  I don't need one. 

Do I even want one? Well....no...maybe?

Megan said to me, "You aren't going to eat one, are you?" The way she said it told me she was already convinced that I was not going to have even one bite of one of those darn donuts...she knew how hard I was working, and it seemed that she knew I had the strength to walk away from them.

Here's the deal, though; that little comment gave me the extra boost that I really needed at that moment.  She had confidence in me...maybe more than I had in myself.  It made it easier to walk away from those donuts.

She was completely genuine...she believed in me...she was just caring...just because it's who she is. 

I have heard her words in my head a number of times since then...at times when I needed to hear them.  Her effortless words have made such a difference to me!  (Thanks, Megan!)

What kind words have you heard today to boost your spirit or give you strength?  What support have you offered to a friend?

Persistence

My sister-in-law has been a source of inspiration lately.  Around the same time I began this journey, she began one, too.  She has walked for close to an hour every day for the past 33 days!  It's a great reminder the importance of getting exercise and remaining persistent.  

I tend to exercise pretty regularly...nearly every day.  I am so thankful to have an elliptical machine here at home so there's no excuse for not using it regularly.  Then again, exercise isn't where I have trouble being consistent and persistent...eating well is where I get into trouble.  Today was one of those days where I seemed to be hungry even after having a good lunch.  The chocolate on my secretary's desk kept calling my name...all those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...Hershey Kisses...Mr. Goodbar...I kept saying, "No!" even though I stopped there more than once and even touched the shiny wrapped morsels.  Thankfully, today, I was able to ask myself, "Will this help you reach your goal?"  NO!  Much better results for me than listening to the voices that were saying Just one...it's a small piece.  I know for me, one piece leads to two, then three, and I stop counting.  I count passing it up a victory!

What have your recent victories been?  Be persistent!

Getting Past Fear of Failure

Whew! It has been a while since I have taken time to write!  Life gets in the way of blogging sometimes.  It sure does feel good to sit down to write tonight. :)

Last week I read a blog that I regularly follow called Presentation Zen.  Garr Reynolds wrote: 

We fear mistakes and failure more than just about anything. We fear mistakes to the point where we don't even begin to make the changes we know we need to make, or give up when we meet resistance long before the goal has been achieved. 

Wow!  If that doesn't describe me before mid-January, I don't know what does.  I find it amazing how paralyzing fear can be...especially fear of failure.  Fear of failure kept me from beginning this "get healthy" journey.  If I didn't start working on taking better care of myself, I couldn't fail at it.  Right?  

Wrong. What I had to realize was that not starting was failing myself and those who love me.  I certainly wasn't feeling successful, limping through my days.

Taking care of myself is not just about my physical body but my spiritual and emotional well-being, too.  I need to remind myself to keep this in mind.  It's sometimes easy to lose sight of this when I focus so much energy on eating well and exercising.  There's always something to work on! :)

Buddha-- There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.  

What fear do you need to overcome to get started?  
Have courage. Begin. Keep going.

Numbers

I feel pretty good about my eating lately.  Weighing and measuring has become part of my routine at home.  Some people think it's a pain, but it is part of what helps make eating more conscious for me.  Once I get more accurate with my estimations, I will be able to stop the actual measuring.  (A "math" person should be able to estimate, right??)  A little more practice should do it.

Yesterday I was reading an article in the Des Moines Register about a weight-management program at Iowa Health.  The part that caught my attention was a comment about having health targets rather than weight loss goals.  It's a good reminder of what I really am working toward.  Becoming healthier is my goal...measuring my weight right now is only one way for me to measure progress.  I am going to try not to get too hung up on my weight--those numbers.   But there are some other numbers I am interested in---blood pressure and cholesterol. 

I celebrated a birthday this week, and my best present was from myself: something I lost rather than something I received-- 11 pounds.   This number is important to me only in that as this weight loss number increases, the other numbers I am watching will decrease.  (Another math relationship! I can't help myself tonight!!)  It is a good start toward becoming a healthier me!  

I know many of you are working on health-related goals, too.  Feel free to share your progress and successes.  Let's celebrate together!

Budgets

Fred and I have been going to Financial Peace University classes.  I think we are learning some important things...where we spend our money and ways to eliminate debt.  Last night we spent a g r e a t deal of time creating our budget, deciding where we want our money to go.  It is critical for us to be conscious about our spending.  It will help us limit wasteful spending, save money, and pay off our debts.

I've been working on budgeting my calories, too.  I give myself a set amount of calories to "spend" throughout the day (not quite as definitive or limited as the money budget.) I decide how I want them spent.  I know that lean protein is a must...fruits and vegetables are important for nutrients and they're low in calories, too...whole grains whenever possible...good snacks.  I have to think about whether certain items are worth the calories.  All in all, I have done fairly well in my decisions...not perfectly, but I am proud of my hard work.

Recording my food and exercise is going pretty well.  I know that keeping a food log is the common denominator for each time that I have taken weight off; it is effective for me.  Regular exercise helps, too.  I have lost almost 10 pounds.  It's a good start!

Conscious eating

I don't know about you, but stress is one of those things that makes me want to eat.  This afternoon, I was thinking too much, and as my anxiety grew, so did my urge to eat. Before I knew it, I had half a bagel in my hand, nearly eaten.  (I chose a multi-grain bagel, that should count for something, right?)  Once I became aware, I didn't continue to eat.  Thinking about Brene Brown's video about vulnerability...I was trying to numb that vulnerability, and it was a nearly unconscious behavior.  That is going to be the toughest for me to overcome.

I went out to lunch with a friend today.  I am becoming very conscious of my choices when I eat out....a step in the right direction! 

Inspiration from Oprah

I look for inspiration anywhere I can get it. I am open to it in things I see, hear, and read.  This morning I was reading January's O Magazine and found inspiration from Oprah.  She writes

What I know for sure: Fear comes from uncertainty.  Once you clarify your purpose for doing something, the way to do it becomes clear. 

Let this be the year you release your fears about what you can achieve. Know for sure what you want and be willing to give yourself what you need to get it.

She reminds me that I can do whatever I set my mind to accomplish.  I have a purpose for making good food choices and exercising. In fact, I have a number of them.  I want to have more energy, relieve the pain in my knees, be able to move with ease, look and feel fit and healthy, stop taking high blood pressure medication, stop taking cholesterol medication, and prove to myself that I can do this.  Because. I. can!  

The way to achieve my goals is to continue to record my food intake and my exercise, eat consciously, make a plan for eating and stick to it, and exercise daily.  I have to ask for help and support when I need it, especially from Fred.

Giving myself what I need to achieve my goal....I have to hold myself accountable.  At the same time, I have to accept that I will not be perfect; but I will not set myself up to fail, and I will not give up.

A Video Worth Watching

Last Thursday I watched this video, Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability, that really made me think. (And then on Friday, it was used in a meeting I attended!)  I was meant to see it, one way or another!

Dr. Brown talked about how vulnerability is at the core of shame and fear, but it is also connected to courage, love, and joy.  Being vulnerable is what allows us to create connections with others.  She also talked about people who feel worthy and feel a sense of belonging are the people who believe they are worthy of love and belonging.  Those who do not feel worthy do not believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.

I struggle with all of this ....being good enough....feeling worthy of love...worthy of forgiveness...  Eating can numb those feelings; but not for long. It doesn't work.  They keep resurfacing.  But still I have tried.  Another thing that Dr. Brown talks about in the video is that when we numb vulnerability, but we cannot choose only that emotion to numb; when we numb vulnerability, we numb all emotions, including the "good" ones! 

Numb is no way to live. 

So I am working on it. 

Ups and Downs

I know this is just part of the process, but I would really like to eat well everyday and not have days like this.  Today was one of those "not so good" days.  I was a bit stressed this afternoon and tried to self-medicate with food. (Never a good idea for me!)  I thought microwave popcorn was an OK choice since I didn't have a snack in my lunch bag.  I read the label after getting it out of the vending machine.  It said something like 4 cups was a serving and there were 2.5 servings in a bag.  Calories listed 30 (or something close to that)....what I missed was that it was 30 calories per cup.  In my head I was thinking (not very logically) that it was 30 calories per serving.  Uh...not so...When I went to enter the calories after eating the bag of popcorn, I was finding it to be way more than 75 calories...YIKES! What did I do to myself??  I am more frustrated with myself for caving to the stress than I am for the number of calories consumed.

I guess this is a good reminder that even after a number of days of good choices, I still make mistakes.  Thankfully, it didn't mean that I had to have the rest of the day consist of bad choices.  I made pretty good choices at Fred's work party tonight---ones of which I am not ashamed.

My plan for "next time" because there will most likely be one....keep snacks that will help me attain my goal in my desk, purse, and lunch bag; talk to someone rather than eat a setback snack; or take a walk.

The negative self-talk can still get the best of me sometimes, but I will not give up!

Little Successes

It's funny how excited I can get over little decisions that are good ones...

Today my lunch was a boxed lunch that was provided for me where I was working.  You never know what it might be...sandwich, chips, apple, & cookie or sandwich, pasta salad, banana, & cookie...it can be a toss up.  But today...salad! Salad, Italian bread, & cookie (there's always a cookie!)...a snickerdoodle cookie...one of my very favorite cookies... 

I opened the box...took the cookie out...laid it on the table...and walked away. Score one for me! I left the cookie and went to a different table to eat my lunch. That snickerdoodle cookie was not something that was going to help me get closer to my goal, even if it might be melt-in-my-mouth scrumptious.

I had nice greens with a boiled egg, turkey, ham, really good cucumbers, and tomato!  I dipped my fork in my ranch dressing, and I ate the 3 little (I'm not exaggerating--they were little!) pieces of bread slowly.  The bread was delicious, with some sort of garlic seasoning, and I almost accepted another serving when someone offered it. (What the heck was I thinking?!) But before I took it, I thought about it and changed my mind. I didn't need it. I didn't want it. I had a choice, and I made a good one!


This might be something to get more than just a little excited about. I actually thought about my decisions...in the past I would have had only a passing thought like, "I shouldn't have that extra bread," but I would have taken it anyway. With the cookie, I might have thought I would only eat half, but while it was in front of me, I would have finished the whole thing off! Without thinking!!


These decisions today might be little things, but they are little steps in the right direction. I know some of you who read this might also be working on a goal of your own...remember to celebrate the small successes!

Creating a New Normal for Eating Out

Tonight I had dinner at Dublin Bay with some friends.  These friends are women who LOVE food.  Even before we started meeting for dinner, we often talked about restaurants and food we really enjoy.  Now, whenever we are together, we have a great time discussing food, travel, sports, and gardening.

I was really hungry tonight because I had a very light lunch. I'd been thinking about dinner all afternoon as my stomach growled.  Because I was so hungry, I knew it was even more important to plan ahead (a.k.a. The EASY Part) and stick to the plan (a.k.a. The HARD Part).  This planning and sticking to it has to become my default mode, my normal way of life when eating out.

Looking at the menu, my mouth watered.....fish and chips....mmmmm.... shepherd's pie...oh, yeah....reuben sandwich and fries....yum-my!  None of those were part of my plan, though.  (My former default mode would be to forget about the plan and order what sounded good.)  I planned to get fish---not only because it is "good for me" but because I really do enjoy it!  I had a delicious piece of grilled mahi-mahi with a salad. The house dressing on the side was a delicious splurge! In the end, I didn't feel like I missed out on anything.  I was satisfied and guilt-free. What is better than that?

What additional tips do you have that could help me when I am dining out?

Doing it for me

In the past, I have talked to Fred (my husband) about things that would help me in my quest for weight loss.  One of the things that helps me is having him work on better eating habits, too.  Because he does much of the grocery shopping (I can't thank him enough for that!), the food that is brought into the house is largely determined by him.  When he gets hungry for chips, he buys them.  He is fortunate enough to be able to eat a few chips and then put them away.  Not me!  They continue to call my name until all that is left is an empty bag.

Last Tuesday, when I made this decision to eat better, I didn't ask for Fred's help. I decided that I had to be willing to do it for me, by myself, if necessary.  I could not wait until he decided to join me. I could not use that as my excuse!  In fact, there is no excuse that is good enough to detract me now!  Besides that, I do have Fred's support.  After only a day or so, he told me that he really wants to work on losing weight, too.  So he has been eating better and exercising!  I am excited that he has decided to become healthier because he wants to...and it is so helpful to me, too!

Here's to Beginnings

I have been thinking about writing this for awhile now, and I think it is time. Even if no one reads it besides me, I think this is something that can help me.

This week I have begun a lifestyle change....again...but this time, I have to stick to it. I have tried to eat more healthy foods, and a big thing for me is to keep a food journal. Any of the times I have successfully lost weight in the past, I have kept a food log. For the past couple of years, I have started keeping a food log and then stopped after a week or so. This time, I am sticking with it. I have an app on my iPod called "Lose It!" where I can log my food and exercise. There is a site online, too, but I have not yet checked it out. I will; I just haven't had time to do so yet.

I feel like I am in a good place with this. I can exercise regularly, and for now I am motivated to eat well. I may need help with that in the future, but I have enlisted the help of friends to get me through those times. Hearing positive responses from so many friends when I posted on Facebook reminds me that another thing I need to work on changing is asking for help. I have many people around me willing to help, and I don't have to beg to get it!